Have you ever replayed a leadership moment over and over in your mind, wishing you'd handled it differently?

In this episode, I explore something I've seen in myself, my clients, and so many accomplished women I work with: we often become our own harshest critic. We replay moments of intensity, convince ourselves we "messed up," and forget to acknowledge why we spoke up in the first place.

I share a story from my own corporate career when I passionately defended my under-resourced team in a management meeting. The outcome was exactly what my team needed—we secured more resources—but instead of celebrating the result, I spent the next week criticizing myself for how I delivered the message.

I also tell the story of a client who still cringed over a meeting from five years ago, where she firmly challenged leaders over issues involving conflict minerals and child labor. Looking back, it wasn't a failure. It was courageous leadership.

Finally, I reflect on a powerful retreat with my coaching community, The Connect, where women discovered that the stories they had been using against themselves looked completely different through the eyes of trusted peers.

This episode is an invitation to put down the hammer. The very moments you criticize yourself for may actually be evidence of your courage, conviction, and leadership.

🔑 Key Takeaways

Sometimes What Feels Like an "Outburst" Is Actually Leadership

I've learned that speaking with conviction doesn't automatically mean you've done something wrong. There are moments when leadership requires us to challenge the room, advocate for our people, and hold the line—even when it's uncomfortable.

Reflection → What leadership moment have you labeled as a failure that may actually have been an act of courage?

Stop Judging Yourself Only by Your Delivery

For years, I've focused on how I said something instead of remembering what happened because I said it. My team received the resources they desperately needed, yet I only remembered my discomfort.

The outcome matters too.

Reflection → Are you overlooking the positive impact because you're fixated on your delivery?

We Give Others Grace That We Never Give Ourselves

One of the greatest gifts of community is perspective. During our retreat, I watched women describe moments they were ashamed of, only to have everyone else see strength, wisdom, and integrity.

Often, the story you're telling yourself isn't the story anyone else is seeing.

Reflection → If someone you loved shared your story, would you judge them the way you judge yourself?

Your Strongest Qualities Often Have a Shadow Side

The qualities that make you an exceptional leader—passion, courage, conviction, high standards—can also become the things you criticize in yourself.

But those strengths don't need to disappear. They simply need awareness and refinement.

Reflection → Which strength have you accidentally mistaken for a flaw?

Put Down the Hammer

The biggest shift isn't becoming a different leader. It's becoming a kinder one—to yourself.

The more grace you extend inward, the more confidence, resilience, and authenticity you'll bring to everyone around you.

Reflection → What would change if you stopped punishing yourself for being deeply committed to what matters?

🔎 Mentioned in the Episode

• My experience advocating for my under-resourced team during a corporate leadership meeting.
• A client working in sustainability who challenged executives over conflict minerals and child labor.
• The Connect retreat in the Hudson Valley and our Spotlight Sessions.
• Identity transitions, belonging, succession planning, and the power of trusted peer coaching.
• The importance of extending yourself the same compassion you naturally offer others.

✨ Reflection Prompts

• What leadership moment are you still carrying that deserves a different story?
• Where are you judging yourself more harshly than anyone else ever has?
• What evidence do you have that your passion has actually made you a better leader?
• If you replaced self-criticism with curiosity, what would you learn?
• What would it look like to put down the hammer this week?

🧠 Who This Episode Is For

• Ambitious women who constantly second-guess themselves after difficult conversations.
• Leaders who carry the emotional weight of advocating for their teams.
• Professionals navigating identity, confidence, and belonging at the next level of leadership.
• Women who want to lead with courage without punishing themselves afterward.
• Anyone ready to replace self-criticism with self-compassion while becoming an even stronger leader.

📩 Want to Go Deeper?

Follow Lori on LinkedIn to continue the conversation

• Book a Leadership Strategy Call with Lori: loripine.com

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