Episode 6: The Cost of Being the Exception—and How to Break Free

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You’re the one they call when it’s falling apart.
The one who always figures it out.
The one who breaks through the glass ceiling and still makes it to the 8 AM meeting.

You’ve become the example—the first, the only, the one who gets it done.

But let’s be honest: being the exception can be exhausting.

It’s not just the work you’re doing. It’s the pressure of constantly proving, the emotional labor of managing every room, and the weight of carrying what was never meant to be yours alone.

It’s time to talk about what it really costs to live as “the one who always figures it out”—and how you can start leading in a way that actually sustains you.

Let’s Name the Trap: Exceptionalism

Being “the exception” gets rewarded. You’re praised for what you pull off, not what you put down. You become the fixer, the emotional buffer, the high performer everyone counts on—but rarely protects.

Here’s how the trap works:

• You get applauded for making it work… even when it’s breaking you.

• You carry more than your role—like being the closer in every meeting or the default leader in every crisis.

• You start to normalize the unreasonable: answering emails on vacation, running projects with no support, or being on every hiring panel because “you represent the culture.”

And the hardest part?
You might feel resentment, burnout, or loneliness… but still feel like you can’t stop.

Because you’ve been conditioned to keep proving. To keep earning your place.

My Wake-Up Call

I’ve lived this.

At the height of my corporate career, I was hitting every performance metric—and still found myself eliminated in a reorg. My whole team, gone in one meeting. I had the highest ratings. It didn’t matter.

And that was my turning point.

I realized I had been climbing a ladder I didn’t build, in shoes that didn’t fit.
And the higher I got, the further I felt from myself.

Success, at least how we’ve been taught to define it, came at too high a cost.

3 Ways to Break Free From the Exception Trap

If this hits home, here’s where you begin. These aren’t quick fixes—they’re power shifts. Mindset + action that put you back in the driver’s seat.

1. Choose Alignment Over Approval

Most of us have been performing someone else’s version of leadership for so long, we forget what our own sounds like.

Ask yourself:
Is this me leading—or me performing?

True leadership doesn’t require you to shrink, code-switch, over-function, or contort yourself to fit. You don’t need to hustle for belonging. You already belong.

2. Stop Carrying What Isn’t Yours

You’re not the fixer of every problem. You don’t need to manage everyone’s emotions. And you are not the backstop for a broken system.

Ask:
What am I holding that someone else can own?

Start there. Set it down. Let it go. Not because you’re giving up—but because you’re choosing to lead differently.

3. Define Success on Your Terms

The rules you’ve been playing by weren’t built with you in mind. But legacy isn’t about fitting in—it’s about building differently.

Ask:
What does success look and feel like for me, now?

Not five years ago. Not in your boss’s eyes. Not in your performance review.
Right now, in this season, with the life and values you care most about.

From Exception to Example

You don’t have to prove yourself one more day to belong.
You already earned your space.

What’s next is learning how to lead with joy—not exhaustion. With clarity, not performance. With truth, not martyrdom.

So let me leave you with this:

Where are you still striving to be “the one who does it all”?
And what might open up if you stopped being the exception—and started being yourself?

If you're ready to stop white-knuckling your way through leadership and start making decisions from a place of joy and self-trust, let’s talk.

📅 Book a no-pressure discovery call and let’s map out what aligned success looks like for you now.

You don’t have to keep carrying it all alone. And you don’t have to keep proving your worth. You’re already the asset.

Let’s build from there.

—Lori
The JOY CEO